A Day in the Life

I read the news today, oh boy

About a lucky man who made the grade

And though the news was rather sad

Well I just had to laugh

“A Day in the Life” (The Beatles, 1967)

So now that President Fire and Fury has placed the world on the brink of Armegeddon, I’m sure many of you are saying to yourselves, “Geiger sure picked a great time to retire. At least he’s had some time to relax before the North Koreans play nuclear pin the tail on San Francisco. I wonder how he’s spending his first few weeks of retirement?” Below is a typical day in the life of a middle-aged man no longer caught in the twilight of a mediocre career.

5:00-5:30am– Up and at ‘em, minus the annoyance of an alarm clock. Why so early, you ask? Two reasons. First, it takes time for the body to expunge thirty years of 4am wakeups. Second, The Pretty Blonde’s alarm goes off at 6am. A good Cabana Boy always wakes up before their boss.

5:00ish-6:30– I’ve always heard about this three-hour show on MSNBC called “Morning Joe” but never had to opportunity to watch it. Now I DVR it, and I’ve been religiously watching the first hour. If you’re looking for some intelligent Trump-bashing, this is the place to go. And needless to say, in the six weeks I’ve been on the beach, the happenings in Washington are making the Trump White House the best reality show on television.

6:30-7:30– Like a preferred table at your favorite restaurant, there’s an elliptical machine at the local 24-Hour Fitness that has my name on it. Forty-five minutes, four miles and 400+ calories later (at least that’s what the dashboard claims), I’m a sweaty mess. But here’s the best part. At least for now, I have no clue, interest, or desire to keep up with the minute-by-minute happenings in the stock market. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last!

7:30-7:45– For years, The Pretty Blonde has had the house to herself every morning. Anne has a routine, and I firmly believe the key to the next decade of our marriage is to stay out of her way. I’ll cook her breakfast if she’s running late for work, but otherwise I silently take cover in my man cave, cowering behind my computer, hoping she doesn’t leave me too many “honey-do’s.” When she’s ready to head out to her job at St. Mary’s College, I kiss her on the cheek and tell her to bring home the bacon. Anne was recently promoted to Manager of Administration for Facility Services, which means she gets to eat lunch at her desk.

8:00-9:00– My breakfast regimen is as predictable as the San Francisco Giants losing a baseball game; two scramble eggs mixed with some salsa (i.e., no carbs!) Then it’s a coin toss between watching some ESPN or a second hour of Morning Joe. Given the perilous state of our democracy, plus the fact that the football regular season hasn’t started yet, Joe and Mika have been getting my vote.

9:00-11:00ish– In an effort to get myself looking trim and svelte for wedding photos (more on that, later), I’ve been lacing up my Salomon hiking shoes and traversing the Lafayette Rim/Reservoir trails. I access the 4.7-mile Rim trail near my house, and then mainly walk the moderately undulating dirt fire road (total elevation change =700 feet) in a clockwise direction. Midway thru this hike, I jump onto the Lafayette Reservoir trail, a 2.5-mile paved, nearly level path which I walk/jog in a counter clockwise direction, mindful not to run into the Lamorinda mommies pushing strollers or walking dogs.

I’ve discovered listening to podcasts is the best way for me to spend two-plus hours roaming 7.5 miles. By far my favorite is “Revisionist History” by bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell. Every episode is like a college lecture, and before I know it I’ve walked two miles. A close second is “1947: The Meet the Press Podcast,” where Chuck Todd goes in-depth with a guest to discuss culture, news, sports and of course, politics. Lastly, “The Tony Kornheiser Show,” featuring the host of ESPN’s “Pardon The Interruption” along with a handful of his amusing minions, is where I get my daily sports and entertainment download. If you’re familiar with the show, I’m a devoted Little.

11:00ish-1:00pm.- Shower, lunch (usually baked chicken, i.e. no carbs), recover. Retirement is hard work.

1:00-6:00– Time to write, read, or check off the Honey-Do list. And yes, I’ve managed to squeeze in some friendly lunches and a few rounds of golf. But the biggest priority has been preparing for the upcoming wedding nuptials of Ross Geiger and Caroline Kelley. Ross’s bachelor party in July was the first line in the sand, and the actual wedding date is the biggest red line on my calendar. Despite being “just” the father of the groom, and the fact the wedding will take place three thousand miles away, it’s amazing how much you have to take care of and prepare for. And trust me, writing and rehearsing two toasts is no easy business, especially for someone as shy and sensitive as me.

6:00-6:30– I try to greet The Pretty Blonde before she gets out of the car, usually offering to carry one of her endless supply of heavy bags she hauls to work (must be a female thing). Dinner, whether I make it or buy it, is my responsibility. Fortunately, we’ve had no reason to make a beeline to the emergency room. Then again, there’s a reason God invented Loard’s Ice Cream.

6:30-9:00ish– Some nights it’s reading, some nights it’s channel-surfing. More often than not, I offer The Pretty Blonde her choice of either a neck or foot rub, the purpose of which is twofold. One, it’s how you stay married for over thirty years. And two, it’s how I take care of my 401k.

9:00ish– Lights out, at least for me. I’ve tried to stay up with Anne, who calls it quits at a much more reasonable hour. But it’s no use.

Besides, this retirement business is exhausting.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll Up
Lee Geiger: Menu