Lee Geiger

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.

George Will 

Two evolutionary events have transformed televised football during the opening monologue of the twenty-first century; one, the fluorescent yellow line stretched across the field to signify how far a team must travel to earn a first down; and two, the deployment of the female sideline reporter. In my way of thinking, one is indispensible, the other superfluous. Regardless, having a person with two X chromosomes fire questions to a haggard football coach trying to make his way to the locker room has become as integral to a football telecast as the GEICO lizard.

Thus cometh the opportunity, and a senior from Carondelet High School has grabbed it with both hands.

Alexa Patti was born to live out loud. Feisty as a firecracker and more creative than a kaleidoscope, Alexa thrives in a world of controlled chaos. The only child of two Type-A parents, she’s grown up under a roof of unconditional love served with a heaping dose of discipline. The bar is raised high in the Patti Household, and with heightened expectations comes focus, and no one focuses harder than this gifted spitball of prolific energy. Focus can evolve into passion, and in Alexa’s case she spells passion…F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L.

I’ve listened to Alexa discuss passer-rating statistics that would make the NFL Network proud. Her smartphone buzzes constantly with notifications from a host of football-related apps, and rare is the fall weekend when she and her father don’t exchange dozens of text messages debating who to play on their fantasy football team. She’s the general manager, while he plays waterboy.

Carondelet is the girl’s school equivalent of neighboring De La Salle, a high school football powerhouse made even more famous thanks to Hollywood (“When the Game Stands Tall”). This season Alexa took it upon herself to make a number of videos chronicling the exploits of the 2014 Spartans, who are well on their way to yet another undefeated season. She’s the producer, director, editor and reporter, and the videos are sure to impress. College admissions officers have taken notice, and she’s already been accepted to Southeastern Conference-fortresses Alabama, LSU and Ole Miss, and she’s waiting to hear from Auburn and Tennessee. Do you see a trend here? If you want to live in a library and debate philosophy, apply to the Ivy League. But if football is your passion and you live for spending Saturday afternoons in Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge, then the SEC is right for you.

Alexa Patti, sideline reporter. Remember where you heard it first.