Fantasy Football 2014
Don’t worry about the horse being blind. Just load up the wagon.
John Madden
The 2014 Giant Chef Burger Fantasy Football draft arrived with a few new wrinkles. First, the restaurant where the annual event is held was actually closed. This being Labor Day, restaurant owner and League Commissioner Nick Kikas graciously gave his staff the day off. Second, a few of the league’s rules, some of which had been in place since the league was formed in 1963, were going to be changed. And third, Nick’s father, Sam Kikas, the league’s patriarch and arguably the nicest man ever to walk on the face of the Earth, passed away over the summer. He was replaced by his equally gracious and handsome grandson, also named Sam. Even in fantasy football there is a Circle of Life.
I was already feeling a bit apprehensive entering this season. For the first time since joining the league in 2006, I would be drafting players all by my lonesome. My trusted co-general manager, Ross Geiger, couldn’t commit to participating since there was a very good chance he’d be slaving away at his Boston office drafting an Excel spreadsheet instead of running backs (in the management consulting world, taking time off for a national holiday is for wimps), But lo and behold, with the draft set to begin at precisely six o’clock, my cell phone rang at 5:59. “So Dad, who should we pick first?” asked the Red Headed Kid, who managed a parole from work. Team Geiger was back, and life was as it should be.
Assigned the seventh pick in a ten team draft, Ross and I waited patiently while LeSean McCoy, Jamal Charles, Adrian Peterson, Matt Forte, Peyton Manning and Eddie Lacy were chosen ahead of us. Based on a new scoring system presented only minutes before the draft began, we chose Detroit wide receiver Calvin Johnson over “elite” quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees, figuring there was so much depth we’d be able to get a quality quarterback much later in the draft. It was a risky decision, and one we may come to regret. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, I’m sure the dope who drafted Sam Bowie ahead of Michael Jordan made the same ridiculous rationalization.
Ross remained on the phone long enough to draft Giovanni Bernard, Andre Ellington, Antonio Brown and Pierre Garcon. After selecting Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan in Round Six, he decided to call it a night before turning into a pumpkin. Left to my own devices, I went on to pick Reggie Bush, Riley Cooper, Mark Ingram, Kelvin Benjamin, Davante Adams, Andy Dalton, Cincinnati and New York Giant defenses, and San Diego and Philadelphia kickers. I went to bed feeling pretty good about our team, but I woke up this morning wondering what Commissioner Kikas would say if I asked him a question usually uttered by golfers who shanked their opening tee shots.
Can I have a mulligan?