And The Oscar Goes To…

The average Hollywood film star’s ambition is to be admired by an American, courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfriend.

Katherine Hepburn

I made it my mission during February to watch every movie nominated for an Academy Award. It’s doable when the stock market closes every day at one o’clock. And when you have no life.

Best Picture-Here are my rankings, in ascending order;

8. Boyhood– Three hours of my life I’ll never get back.

7. Selma– A decent movie…for The History Channel.

6. The Grand Budapest Hotel– Never saw it, but it has to be better than Boyhood.

——— ——————Hollywood’s version of the Grand Canyon—————

5. American Sniper– Intense. Like Castaway, the movie revolves around one central character. Unlike Castaway, the audience had a volleyball it could relate too.

————————–The real Best Picture nominees——————————-

4. The Theory of Everything– Stephen Hawking has great taste in wives.

3. The Imitation Game– In mid-20th century England, being brilliant and gay was no way to go through life.

2. Whiplash– Go ahead, name a drummer you didn’t think was cool.

1. Birdman– Pulp Fiction meets All That Jazz. Riveting, nonstop drama, served with a side order of weirdness. Reminds me of my childhood.

Best Supporting Actress– Emma Stone, Birdman. I’d pay money to watch her read the yellow pages.

Best Supporting Actor– J.K. Simmons, Whiplash. I’ll never be able to watch a Framers Insurance commercial the same way again.

Best Actress– Meryl Streep. Oops, wrong category. Julianne Moore, Still Alice. Isn’t it her turn to win?

Best Actor– Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything. To be honest, this award was a virtual dead heat between Benedict Cumberbatch and Michael Keaton.

See this Sunday on the red carpet.

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