Water: It’s Going To Get Ugly
California’s so dry, the Prada store in Beverly Hills is selling canteens.
Jay Leno
“Electronic readings show that the Sierra Nevada snowpack’s water content is lower than any year in records going back to 1950-just 8 percent of the historical average in late March.”- The San Francisco Chronicle
Question: What’s new in California?
Answer: For the first time in history, the water content in the California snowpack (8%) is less than the state’s personal income tax rate (approx. 11%). Skim that in your swimming pool.
How bad is eight percent? Consider that prior to this year, the record low for water content in the California snowpack was 25%, set twice. Once was last year, which means at this very moment, the fourth consecutive year of drought, the water supply in California is thinner than a Tiger Wood’s alibi.
The other was in 1977. I was slumming in Carmel back then, doing my best to convince my prom dates that going to the beach to watch submarine races was worthy of their time. Because the local reservoirs had water levels lower than a Charlie’s Angels neckline, residents of the Monterey Peninsula were required to ration their water usage to one-eighth of normal, i.e. 50 gallons per day per person. How does one survive on 50 gallons of water a day? Here’s how;
· Lawns and Gardens: Toast
· Fresh, clean clothes: Fugetaboutit
· Showers: Optional. Or shower together. And Navy showers only, please. (look it up)
· Toilets: Consider that the Lo-Flo toilet hadn’t been invented yet, which meant every turn of the handle resulted in 7-8 gallons of water being flushed down the drain. All of which spawned a local joke;
Question: What’s the difference between water rationing and water conservation?
Answer: An opened window.
Get ready, California. It’s about to get ugly (and a tad smelly).
p.s. For those of you who worship on the altar of Al Gore and believe climactic changes will result in California becoming drier than a vodka martini, consider the list of annual water content percentages (100% is normal) in the California Snowpack before and after periods of sustained droughts (source: Calif. Dept. of Water Resources):
Year Percent of Average Year Percent of Average
1973 148 2010 104
1974 117 2011 171
1975 149 2012 52
1976 37 2013 42
1977 25 2014 25
1978 152 2015 8
If California doesn’t get a tsunami of rain next season, Gov. Jerry Brown will appoint himself as the state’s official Water Nazi and be forced to replace the bear on the state flag with a camel, and change the state motto from “Eureka!” to “NO SHOWERS FOR YOU!”