Lee Geiger

When you’re chided for your naiveté, and you will be, remind your critics that an amateur built the ark, experts built the Titanic.

Peyton Manning

“What I Believe” provoked 214 responses, including 19 from readers who felt compelled to respond to EACH of my 85 “beliefs.” For me, the best part of this self-discovery process was the absence of having to explain myself; readers could simply agree or disagree, and if they wanted to share with me their two cents about a particular topic, I was all in. The point of this exercise was to examine, not debate. So, without further ado, I present to you a picnic basket of highlights from reader’s reactions.

I believe Barry Bonds, Pete Rose, and Roger Clemens should all be elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame– This conclusion generated by far the largest reaction. Sixty-three responses split 51-12 in favor of adding baseball’s Unholy Three to the game’s venerable museum. The most spiteful responses came from self-proclaimed Dodger fans, their judgement clouded by Mr. Bonds’ former employer winning three of the last seven World Series.

I believe neither political party speaks for me– Twenty-four readers concurred, and my money says five times that number silently nodded their heads in agreement. If there ever was a time to form a viable third political party…I’m just saying…

I believe “The Godfather” is the greatest movie ever made– The Vito Corleone Fan Club is alive and well, but plenty of others thought different, including but not limited to;

• Casablanca
• Star Wars
• The Graduate
• The Shawshank Redemption
• Caddyshack
• Apocalypse Now
• Annie Hall
• E.T.
• Chinatown
• Rocky
• Network
• White Men Can’t Jump- Someone actually picked this…really…I’m not kidding.

I believe if I were elected President of the United States, I would reverse the educational pay structure in America. Kindergarten teachers should be paid more than college professors– Sixteen readers supported my idea, though one whose husband is a professor at Cal asked what I had been smoking. I told her that whatever it was, I bought it from him.

I believe ceaseless government spending poses the greatest risk to the American way of life– I considered each of my 85 beliefs to be rock-solid, non-negotiable locks, but one astute reader nearly changed my mind on this point, arguing that climate change posed a greater risk. Hmmmm…

I believe you can’t shake hands with a fist– One reader fluent in bumper sticker wrote, “When you point a finger, there’s 3 pointing back at you.” I wish I had said that.

I believe you can never have enough gelato– Or, apparently, beignets from Café Du Monde in New Orleans. Or deep-dish pizza, Nathan’s hot dogs, garlic fries, Rombauer chardonnay, or fish tacos from a certain San Diego food truck. No one suggested sex, which says a lot about my readership.

I believe Richard Nixon was a flawed president but a great writer– OK, I’ll admit this one came out of left field, so allow me to explain. I’m a lover of history, and I spend many an afternoon curled up with a good biography. And whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, former presidents offer a perspective most of us can never comprehend. Richard Nixon, insecure presidential scumbag that he was, nonetheless wrote three books I found insightful and well-written:

• Leaders (1982)
• In the Arena (1990)
• Beyond Peace (1994)

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I believe I could survive for the rest of my life eating nothing but Mexican food– The 17 readers who thought the same way I did goes a long way toward explaining why there’s a Taco Bell on every corner.

I believe referring to someone as ‘African-American’ makes as much sense as referring to me as ‘European-American’– A reader, who claimed to have been reading The Marginal Prophet for years but was writing to me for the very first time, forwarded the following speech delivered by President Theodore Roosevelt in 1915.

“There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. When I refer to hyphenated Americans, I do not refer to naturalized Americans. Some of the very best Americans I have ever known were naturalized Americans, Americans born abroad. But a hyphenated American is not an American at all.”

“This is just as true of the man who puts “native” before the hyphen as of the man who puts German or Irish or English or French before the hyphen. Americanism is a matter of the spirit and of the soul. Our allegiance must be purely to the United States. We must unsparingly condemn any man who holds any other allegiance.”

“But if he is heartily and singly loyal to this Republic, then no matter where he was born, he is just as good an American as anyone else.”

“The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities, an intricate knot of German-Americans, Irish-Americans, English- Americans, French-Americans, Scandinavian- Americans, or Italian-Americans, each preserving its separate nationality, each at heart feeling more sympathy with Europeans of that nationality than with the other citizens of the American Republic.”

“The men who do not become Americans and nothing else are hyphenated Americans; and there ought to be no room for them in this country. The man who calls himself an American citizen and who yet shows by his actions that he is primarily the citizen of a foreign land, plays a thoroughly mischievous part in the life of our body politic. He has no place here; and the sooner he returns to the land to which he feels his real heart-allegiance, the better it will be for every good American.”

One of the true joys I receive from writing The Marginal Prophet is the opportunity to learn from others. I don’t always agree with them, but I’m smart enough to know that rarely am I the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I believe you haven’t lived until you’ve tasted a Double-Double hamburger from In-N-Out Burger– Four readers possessing inside information claim I haven’t really lived until I’ve ordered a double-double prepared “animal style.” The last time I asked for something “animal style,” I got slapped in the face.

I believe if I could share a meal with anyone from history, it would be Jackie Robinson– Thirty-six readers invited twenty-nine guests to dinner:

• Abraham Lincoln (three)
• Adolf Hitler
• Audrey Hepburn
• Barack Obama
• Ben Franklin
• Bill Belichick
• Bill Clinton
• Bobby Jones
• Dwight Eisenhower
• George Washington
• Jesus (two)
• Jimmy Stewart
• Lassie
• Leonardo Da Vinci
• Mark Twain
• Martin Luther King
• Michael Jordan
• Michelangelo
• Mick Jagger
• Mikhail Gorbachev
• Mohandas Gandhi
• Muhammad Ali (two)
• Prince
• Ronald Reagan
• Stephen Hawking
• Steve Jobs
• Thomas Jefferson
• Tom Hanks
• Winston Churchill (four)

What shocked me most about this list was the number of women: O-N-E. Had I thought more about it, I might have invited Oprah. At least she would have offered to pick up the check.

#GEIGERin2020– Thirty-two readers suggested I consider running for political office. Senator Geiger does have a nice ring to it, don’t you think?…Bueller?…Bueller?

That’s all, folks. I hope you enjoyed this journey down Conviction Lane as much as I did. I’ll be spending the weekend watching The Masters, which means Spring officially begins on Sunday afternoon.

Or so I believe.