Ten Questions
Time, flowing like a river
Time, beckoning me
Who knows when we shall meet again
If ever
But time
Keeps flowing like a river
To the sea
The Alan Parsons Project, “Time” (1981)
They travelled from as far away as Boston, Hartford, Baltimore and Seattle (and beautiful downtown Moraga). Six couples, all married, all empty nesters cruising along the back nine of life. Their destination was majestic Napa Valley, and their bags were packed for seductively warm afternoons and cool, pleasant evenings. Awaiting their arrival were elegant wine tastings and numerous choice meals, along with a roomy twelve-passenger bus hired to shuttle their over-indulged selves around the valley. Home for the next four days would be a comfortable five-bedroom house located high on a St. Helena hillside, isolated like a lost tribe in a thick forest of pine trees. Along with a fully-stocked fridge, a pool table and a Jacuzzi tub, the house came with a spacious deck commanding a priceless view of vineyards stretching all the way from Duckhorn to Rombauer. For the six couples blessed to check into this generous arena, all would agree that three little words could encapsulate their zestful expectations; life was good.
Last spring, I took it upon myself to organize an October mini-reunion for some very special friends from my days pursuing an MBA degree at Dartmouth College’s Amos Tuck School of Business Administration. Three things tied us together during those Reagan-era days in the dreary and drafty Quonset huts of Sachem Village, the married student housing shanty town located two miles and a World War from campus; we were all young, we were all married, and we were all flat broke. Much had happened in the thirty years since we first met, and I felt it was high time to gather the troops and take inventory. The fact this conclave would be accompanied by copious amounts of fine wine and breathtaking scenery was designed to make it worth their while to get on a plane and show up.
Unlike yours truly, who spends the bulk of his days playing Nintendo with the stock market, all of my former classmates from the Tuck Class of 1986 had morphed into captains of industry. No doubt there would be some discussion about the amassing of power and wealth, but one of my primary goals for this particular powwow was not to delve too much into comparing job titles and bank accounts. Rather, I wanted to balance the scales and focus the majority of our discussions on the accumulation of life experiences, the type of topics that weren’t covered in our Managerial Economics or Decision Analysis classes.
Towards that end, I prepared a list of ten questions that I hoped would lead to compelling, thought-provoking conversations, engaging discourses that could be shared by both husbands and wives. I wrote each question onto an index card and slipped it into a blank envelope. Then I asked each member of our group (I did not include The Pretty Blonde and me, since we cheated and already knew the questions) to randomly select an envelope. Once exposed to the question, they would have to answer first, then pass the card onto their neighbor. Only after all twelve people had answered did we move onto the next question.
The ten questions were as follows:
- When you look back at raising your children, what one thing did each one of them do makes you want to laugh out loud?
- Twenty years from now, what family vacation will your children remember most fondly?
- What personality trait associated with your spouse would surprise the rest of us?
- If you could stop everything you’re doing and live somewhere else full-time for a period of three years, where would it be?
- If, as a couple, you could attend only one more concert before you died, what one musician/band would you BOTH agree to listen to?
- Since you’ve been married, what is the most romantic undertaking you’ve taken toward your spouse?
- How did you tell your children about The Birds and The Bees?
- As parents, what family tradition did you create that you are most proud of?
- Outside of your wedding or the birth of your children, what single accomplishment from your adult life led you to reflect and say to yourself, “I did it.”
- At this stage of your life, what are the Top-Two items remaining on your Bucket List?
It took nearly three full days, a boatload of laughter and a precious spoonful of tears to make it through all ten questions, a reflective process unburdened by agendas or egos. Just good friends opening up to good people. By the time Sunday morning had arrived and it was time to say our goodbyes, everybody knew more about everyone else, and maybe even a tad more about themselves. The ten questions provided not only a great way to catch up, but to share with a special group of people a lifetime of memories, adventures, and plans for the future. And best of all, they had absolutely, positively nothing to do with the business world.
By the end of the weekend, the five other couples returned the favor and asked The Pretty Blonde and me ten questions. It just happened to be the same one: When can we do this again?